Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
