I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
