I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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