Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
