he puts the penis in happiness.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
