I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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