Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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