I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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