oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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