She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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