Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
