If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
