My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
