i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
