My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
