Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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