Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
