life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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