dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
