what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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