well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
