I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
