Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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