It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
