It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
