Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
