I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
