Where did you get a picture of my penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i believe in u and ur pee
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
