Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
