someone threw a dead crab at me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
