Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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