I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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