I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Please don't give away my fajitas
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