i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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