Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
