69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
