literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
