brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
