So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
handjob tips. give me some.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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