pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
and you fell through a lawn chair
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
