I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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