I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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