sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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