I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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