Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
