I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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