My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
