There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
