I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
