just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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