I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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