something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
