I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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