I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
