I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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