lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
