I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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