Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
