Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
